Author Archives: Inside Eliza's Head

About Inside Eliza's Head

Fun I love, but too much fun is of all things the most loathsome. Mirth is better than fun, and happiness is better than mirth. -William Blake

Tweet from ചിണ്ടന്‍ (@afterallitsme)

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ചിണ്ടന്‍ (@afterallitsme) tweeted at 8:56 PM on Sun, Jan 13, 2013:
Proposals have started and before i sink into some pre calculated conclusions, Im going to write a letter.. a letter to my future husband…
(https://twitter.com/afterallitsme/status/290517600566378497)

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The smiles

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After work, I was waiting for my bus outside my office. It had been a very long and tiring day. My head ached slightly. The winter chill was creeping in.

I saw my bus from far and I started walking towards it.
Suddenly, but slowly another car came across me from our building parking lot moving onto the main road. I took an abrupt stop from my slow walk towards my bus which was still nearing towards my spot, to let the car pass by.

The car too halted. He could drive ahead but he didn’t. I noticed that the car had stopped for me to cross onto the main road. I resumed my paces.

When I was infront of the car, I turned my head. I had a quick glimpse of him through the shaded glass. He was looking at me. Then he smiled. Not a grin. Not a toothy laugh. Just a slight change of shape of his lips. I read it as a smile. I was having a frown on my face. I guess the headache was catching up. I turned my head away. But I am pretty sure that he too noticed it. That change of shape of my lips. A smile maybe.

I stressed my ears while I was walking to my bus to hear his car move. It didn’t.

After being seated in my bus, my peacock view told me he was still there.

My one hour trip on the bus, I didn’t feel any pain. The smiles reigned my thought.

So is mine….So is yours…

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strange

/strānj/

Adjective:
  1. Unusual or surprising in a way that is unsettling or hard to understand.
  2. Not previously visited, seen, or encountered; unfamiliar or alien: “she found herself in bed in a strange place”.
Synonyms:
odd – peculiar – outlandish – foreign – unfamiliar
That is how Google defines the term.
Yes, Life is unsettling and hard to understand. I think there’s no better word than ‘strange’ to express life as it is.I am pretty sure I can make a super hit movie out of my life. And besides these days new generation movies are ticking and clicking well with their suspense and climaxes which by the way makes the audience do the after math of the story; leaving the trail on a cliff hanger. However,  I seriously do not want to waste my money, to leave the theater to be more worried and confused than I was before I sat for the movie. Ok my point is not new generation movies here but about how filmy my life has been until this very moment. I bet, yours too.

I have had the best of all experiences. God has always been kind to me. I have been through tough situations but He never gave me anything I couldn’t bear. I came through all of it. So have you.

Have you ever sensed that feeling of tranquility a midst the worst of situations. Me neither.
I mean c’mon how can you stay calm when you are busy trying to keep your head above the water! Phew! It is hard. But let us all just take a moment here. You should sort of make it a routine I suggest. Imagine the worst situation you have been in the past 5 years [PS: Do not count the one you are already in. Otherwise this technique will not work]. You will suddenly feel this sense of pride for yourselves that you have fought through whatever mess you were in and now you stand there. Alive? Breathing? Yup! That’s it.
Well, my point is that this time will pass. For you. For me.

I have always enjoyed to look back and see the mess I have made and the mess I have cleared. It is worth the fight. I might have not done well but it has made me a better person than I was. There were times I feared my past. The more you fear your past the more likely you will ruin your chances of a bright future. Instead, I am teaching myself to let go. You must too.

So go ahead. Pat yourself on your shoulder and say, “Piece of cake…bring it on baby!”

Ciao!

 

Hey yáll!!!

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So much to say… Oh I wish I wasn’t this lazy!!

Guys my days at work are terrifically eventful that I am so eager to tell you all about it! My life is bringing me face to face with my past. I stand in a position where I myself am the spectator of what has happened and what is happening in my life!

Oh Jeez! So much to say…..But I am so lazy and it is getting colder here in Kuwait! Brrrrr….

Pray that some day the Kuwaitis will recognize the value of hartals and bandhs as in India! We have little holidays here!
I wouldn’t mind going back to the jobless mode I was in but definitely if things continues the way they are now, then I might soon be.

So yeah! I just came down to say I’m alive and would love to come back soon, relax and narrate all my stories and thoughts to yáll, my lovely readers 🙂

Love.

Uh Oh!!

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Dear blog follower,

I am quite sure that you received a picture email on my blog’s behalf a few minutes back.

It is the picture I had downloaded for my upcoming post and WordPress tricked me into posting it and I am afraid that you would be boggled upon its receipt.

So, yeah I will detail the details about that cutie pie in that picture in my upcoming post.

Hold on.

Yours,
An embarrassed me!!

Just a thought

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It crossed my mind today.

I was so desperate to take a decision in a matter that stressed me out so much. Finally, when someone gave me their advice it wasn’t as if I was hearing it for the first time. All the way I knew that was the thing to be done.

Strange, how our hearts knows the solution to every question within ourselves. But we are so damn stubborn to keep ourselves confused. Truth is what the heart says. It is not easy to always give ears to it.

Truth hurts. But its always worth the peace that follows it.

The choice is ours.

Happy Birthday to me (and what followed…) *updated

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I wish I wish…

13-08-2012
11:30pm
Kuwait

In the next 30 minutes I’m going to turn one year older.

Yup! It is my b’day.

I don’t love birthdays. I don’t hate them either. Don’t worry, I’m not a sadist! I can’t take too much of attention nor can I take any sign of ignorance on my big day. All the time, I either will have people gagging over me or people, whom I expect to wish me, forget it. And that, disappoints me. Gifts? Well frankly I’m never satisfied with anything. So it never works! But last year I got a bunch of gifts from my uncles and cousins and it was the best ever. I will admit that.

So like last year, this year also I have hidden my birthday from Facebook and unlocked my wall privacy and let’s see how many honest birthday wishes I am gonna get. Although, I hide it, I dream of my FB wall to overflow with posts and wishes, which is quite impossible.

So I’ll say what I expect for this year and let’s see what happens:

1. I expect my sister to wish me at 12 am since I did the same for her and made her cut her cake too! She better! [she did, while I was writing this it became 12:00]- TICK

2. I had 10 roommates in college hostel out of which I expect 6 to wish me. Rasu babes already sent me an international SMS from India. She’s so sweet .Now waiting for the others. Hmmmm… though I don’t expect anything more than their wishes on Facebook.

3. I have best friends who better wish me quick or else I’m going to make their lives horrible by complaining and whining for the next couple of weeks or even months until I feel I had enough.

4. I have that one person, who I wish would remember me this day. But I hope that person won’t wish me. It’s a closed chapter. I don’t want their guest appearances even.

5. I have another one person whom I wish would send me a looooooooooong birthday wish at least on Facebook. It would be my best birthday gift or say the best gift in years. The only thing I’m anxiously looking forward for today.

6. My mother might cook something special. Well, poor woman asked me to download Chicken Biriyani Recipe. I just hope I have a good appetite by then. Plus, I am on a diet mom!! No rice….remember??!!

7. My dad, he will just wish me, I think so. He’ll say, “Happy Birthday!”and give me that smile of his. Content.

8. My uncles, aunts and cousins. Nah! They don’t even know my birth date and how will they? Still….I just wish. Well birthdays are all about wishes right?

Oh my ! The list doesn’t seem to stop. This is exactly another reason my birthdays freaks me out.  Expectations brings upon disappointment. And they get worse, when it happens on your birthday.

9. I pray, my day at office will be a normal one without any complications and tensions! Just one day at least boss?

10. Roy uncle might just remember. But he seems real busy these days. Teena chechy will definitely send her wish. Last year she changed her FB dp into a one with both of us showing our 32 teeth!

11. At least today, I really hope my dad would remember the umpteenth time I had told him, how much I wish to spend an evening in the beach with my folks. Fingers crossed.

12. My idea of a perfect gift, which obviously would be my fairytale dream: iPhone 4s. Sigh! Drool! Anybody? Nobody? Well, maybe next year this time I hope to hold an Apple in my hand!

13. I wish my hair would fall less today. I miss my precious long hair.

14. Oh yes, I hope I could get comments on this post in my blog, at least. People, your comments will be counted as valuable birthday gifts. So, don’t miss this golden opportunity of charity to make a poor soul smile on her birthday.

Yeah, well that’s all I can think of now. 14 wishes for my b’day on the 14th of August. I’m waiting.

Happy Birthday to me.

Thank you God. I am alive, I am healthy, I see love all around. Yes, your miracles are working!

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16.08.2012
9:50 pm
Kuwait

Here goes,

Hiding my birth date on FB didn’t help much. People still wished me. And the strange part is, I loved it. Well that’s what I wanted right! Next year also, it will be hidden. You must try it once. It’s an experience.

1. Yes my sister wished me at 12 midnight, exactly when I was typing this post. So, she got saved from a big lot of trouble!

2. This was truly a surprise! First I receive an ISD SMS from my roommate Rasia. That was so sweet of her and she wished me beautifully with her pretty words. Then in the morning, way before I opened my eyes from sleep, I received a call. My brain had just started it’s booting process and I couldn’t recognise the voice on the other end. I tried many names and finally it struck me. It was none other than my dearest pal Udi aka Sruthi ;). She’s working in a top class software company and maybe she’s earning big. She’s also a a stingy hoarder of money like me and not in my wildest dreams did I imagine HER ringing ME that too an INTERNATIONAL call. wooh! (Ok we’re not THAT bad. I just added that for a punch!) So yeah big love to her. Another surprise was that Vithu e-mailed me! That ALSO was completely way out of my expectation. She never mails me. But she did. That too for my birthday. Ain’t that sweet? Yes it is! The others…well yeah two more wishes I got on Facebook. Neenz and Achu. They remembered at least. Thanks to them too. So it was 5/10. Not 6/10 like I expected. But it was a memorable 5/10 🙂 Worth it!

3.  – Best friend No.1 called me!! I knew he would! I mean he’s too sweet for himself! He just can’t help being sweet to people. Thanks a ton buddy! This is what he said, “HB dear….Have a beautiful year…bla bla…ok so rest i’ll say when we chat. Bye”!! Duh! Exactly! That’s how SWEET he is!! Boys!! Still….hugs to him. Love ya Sreshu 🙂

– Best friend No.2 posted a mickey mouse picture on my wall. Good for her! Or else I would have beaten the crap out of her! Love her. Sherin D you rock! Well…for now.

– Bhai posted on my wall. Well, accepted. But best part was he e-mailed me. He said, “You can hide your b’day from FB not from my memory. HB lil sis”.  Awwwww…. Sharon doesn’t look like a very lovable person to many. But he never leaves a stone unturned when it comes to his dear ones who are in need. I know that. I have experienced that. He’s a great guy.

[To the other idiots who forgot my birthday. Well they know what’s in store for them. Grrrrr…]

4. I hope that person remembered. Didn’t receive any wish though. Glad for some reason. Strange.

5. The only part of my birthday that disappointed me. I told you expectations brings disappointment. I did not even receive a message in FB. Sad. When will I ever learn to leave the memories behind. Damn it! I need someone to hammer it in my head. They are not coming back! Sigh! But still, I had wished them…..

6. Mom did cook. Biriyani. I was in office in between some serious tensed discussion when my phone rang. In a hurry I attended and she asks, “You want Fried Rice or Biriyani?”.  Good for her and me, that I was in the office with my superior looking at me. I successfully calmed down and told her to cook whatever they wanted to eat! She still did not give up and kept asking me. I know, it was my birthday and they wanted me to feel special. But wrong timings! Thinking back, I’m giggling right now. Moms!

7. He didn’t say happy birthday. I just realised it now. But I am not mad at him because he did something sweet for me. (Check point No: 11)

8. Most of them did wish me. Best part was one my cousin’s fiance’wished me. I just granted her 10/10. Got calls from all over the world and wishes on FB too. I’m truly blessed.

9. Day at office? Don’t even ask! One word. Horrible.

10. Roy uncle still is busy. So maybe that’s why he missed it. But Teena chechy wished! Like I said. And she invited me to Mumbai. How I wished I could give her a visit!

11. BEST PART- My dad finally agreed to take us to the beach. I was super excited. So we all got dressed up and got on the car and the car wouldn’t start. That’s right. Battery trouble. Then he powered it with the battery of our other car. The car started moving. Stopped by our friend’s flat to pick them and CRASH!! The back seat window pane just crashed down into pieces and fell all over us. God alone knows what happened. Maybe the heat. (It’s 45-55 degrees on an average here during summer). We are still wondering what happened. My mom started panicking. Anyways, me and my sister went to the lift to go get some water from our friend’s. Apparently my mom forgot! So now, the lift wouldn’t just close. We kept pushing the close button and my sister started panicking. She said it’s all bad omens and that we shouldn’t go. But no way was I going to give up on my big day just because strange stuffs were happening. Well, thank God nothing else happened. We reached safely at the beach and spend a beautiful evening on the shore. Bliss.

12. It still remains a fairy tale. I guess, I will have to gift myself with an iPhone with my next month salary! (or Galaxy SII, suggestions are most welcome.)

13. Well I was too busy to notice!

14. Well, sadly NONE appeared on my post! Am I that bad?

Well, all in all….It was a simple yet memorable day. I love God just because of this. He has put so many people around me to love and care for me. I pray, I hope that I can live up to their expectations and keep them all happy. I know I have got a long way to go. Only with God’s grace.

 

 

Life Altered

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WARNING: This is going to be a crap post since I am lying on my chair and typing whatever rubbish is rushing into my head. No proof reading for today. Yet again I prove that I’m a lazy bone !!

I always thought, I’ll grow up and go to college and then graduate and then find a job and then start living my life INDEPENDENT!!

Guess what? Now I wake up daily at 6:30 am. Play with Nia. Get freshened up. Eat the breakfast my mom forces me to or gulp down a glass of oats for her satisfaction. Run to catch the transport by 7:30 am. Reach office at 8:00 am. Work. 10-15 mins break around 1:00pm Work till 5:00 pm. Get back home by 6.30 pm. Get freshened up. Eat something. Non-stop gossiping about my day at office to my folks till my throat gets dry and starts aching. Facebook. Twitter. Prayer. Sleep.

So all in one it sounds just like my school days!! I have everything done for me even when I am twenty…well twenty something. (I will explain later why I don’t want to declare my age now).

Oh yes, I had promised that I would let you know what happened after my jobless-with-a-job-in-hand fiasco. Well, I got in a company that supplies instruments in the Oil and Gas Industry as their Projects Support Engineer. Uph! There. That’s what I am doing now. It wasn’t easy at all in the beginning. But I learned one thing. Being at work is no different from being at college. The fun element is not at all there. But other than that. You are supposed to finish your assignments on time. And so far things are going fine with bumps and hits here and there. Thank God at least I have a job. Way better than being jobless.

My dreams of flying to Mumbai and starting off an independent life crashed. Just like that. But I don’t feel too bad about it either. Things are well put and safe here. I thoroughly enjoy the feeling of oneness with my family. Something I had forgotten years back. So it feels great to have your parents around and your sister to bully around. Life’s fair to me.

I thought people would stop asking me “what next?” after I find a job. No they won’t. They are never going to stop asking that. So the obvious choice before me is marriage. Blah! One thing I learnt from my past experiences is that I am not a relationship material. At least as of yet. I can’t even think of waking up daily with thoughts of cooking for someone and then going to office and then coming back dead tired to again cook for someone and then you sleep with thoughts of what to cook for tomorrow or the pending laundry or the dusty floor or the grocery shortage or whatever these married working women aka superwomen does!! Phew! It might be because of the recent events in my life that I am no more willing to give away myself to anyone. I have more than enough of people to love and to care for me.

Chalo! Leave it. Nothing in my life has happened as per my plans. But whatever has happened and however it happened; happened for good. Get it? Good.

There were so many things that came up in my mind I felt like writing in here. One being about my new workplace and the people I met there. Another being about some relationships I have been through and seen in the past. Another, which is quiet personal, but for the extrovert I am, you can expect me to blurt that out too. Soon. But what I wanted to say was, there’s so much I want to do here. I want to fill my blog with posts and I want more people to be connected to me via this sweet little treasure of mine. It makes me feel good when one of you takes a little of your time to state a comment in here or maybe follow this to receive my posts as mails.

Not just blogging, there’s soooo much more I want to do. I want to do some reading. Click some pictures. Visit places. Buy a house. Drive a car. Eat out at Fuddruckers and TGI Friday’s. Walk along the beach and wet my feet. Wear a pretty frock. Dance. Sing. and so much more.
My God knows all this and I wish he makes all these come true.

At the end of the day, although I ain’t excited about my existence, I am happy that I am alive and more happy that I have a family to love and to love me. And happiest as my God still hears my prayers. There. Hmmmm.. Life is beautiful folks. Open your eyes before it’s too late.

Stay Safe and Be Good. Oh and yes, Smile Please.